Chapter 65
The Damned (2)
Title) You fucking motherless pieces of dogshit
PrincessCheonggu
(Video of Chae-U conceding a goal after just 30 seconds)
I got orichalcum from a good person, so now the picture quality is better and the stream doesn’t cut out anymore, but what’s the fucking point? Now I just get to watch them concede within a minute in crystal-clear quality, fuck me.
└ Heavenly Demon) Calm yourself. At this rate, you may fall into heart demons.
└ SwordMaster) I think she’s already fallen into heart demons.
└ Yeah, if even a named user who always sticks to her gimmick is acting like that, she’s definitely fallen into heart demons.
└ Lololol but how the hell did they concede like that?
└ He passed it straight to the opposing striker lololol
└ Wasn’t that goalkeeper from the Satan League? I heard he was good there. What the hell happened?
└ He’s been Cheonggu-fied. Nothing to worry about lol
└ PrincessCheonggu) Shut uuup. It’s only his first season. Aren’t you being too harsh?
└ But ;; you were the one who started swearing and insulting people’s parents.
└ PrincessCheonggu) The me from back then is gone. I’ve regained my peace of mind.
└ Look at how shameless she is lololol
└ Wild Grylls) Uh... Are you okay?
└ PrincessCheonggu) Sorry you had to see me like that.
└ Wild Grylls) It’s fine. More importantly, was it really orichalcum?
└ PrincessCheonggu) I implanted it without even checking first, and since it’s working perfectly, it’s definitely orichalcum.
So it really was orichalcum.
That fact alone was enough.
From now on, it seemed like I should add orichalcum to my list of tradable goods alongside the mature Mandrakes.
‘Though since it’s an ore, it probably won’t be nearly as popular.’
Unlike a mature Mandrake, which people could actually consume, orichalcum was difficult to handle.
At best, most people would probably only use it for things like preventing overheating, just as PrincessCheonggu had.
Still, I’d heard that it was an expensive mineral, so I should be able to trade it for something worthwhile.
└ KingLeor) As expected of Cheonggu lololol Thanks for the free feast, burp~
└ The Leoroach appears right on schedule lololol
└ That guy really does show up every time lol
└ Wild Grylls) What’s a Leoroach?
└ Leor fans are called “Leos.” Mix that with “cockroach,” and you get “Leoroach.”
└ Wild Grylls) So it’s basically just a nickname.
└ KingLeor) If possible, call us Leos instead of Leoroaches. Also, hey.
└ Wild Grylls) Yes?
└ KingLeor) You’re really gonna keep supporting Chae-U after seeing that mess?
└ Wild Grylls) There’s a saying where I come from.
└ KingLeor) What is it?
└ Wild Grylls) If our defense gives up three goals, then our attackers just need to score four.
└ That sounds fucking stupid, but it actually makes sense...!
└ A fine answer indeed lololololol
└ That sounds like something a man who has attained enlightenment would say lololol
└ PrincessCheonggu) What a wonderful saying! Stop putting strange ideas in his head and get lost already!
└ KingLeor) I want him more and more. I’ll turn you into a Leoroach no matter what. Anything you want?
└ Wild Grylls) How about meeting me in person and cheering together? Then I’ll become a Leor fan.
└ KingLeor) Dude ;;;
└ Ahahahaha
└ That’s basically a rejection lololol
A person needed conviction.
What was the point of calling yourself a fan if you abandoned your team just because they were weak?
Among all the sports fans I’d ever seen, very few voluntarily stopped supporting their teams.
The most common exception was when the club did something catastrophically unlikeable.
A prime example would be throwing away a player who was practically the symbol of the team just because they couldn’t afford to keep him.
‘I wonder if teams here have symbolic players like that too?’
Players who weren’t merely symbols of their clubs, but icons of an entire era.
But this world had many different races, and demons and elves in particular lived for an extremely long time.
The very definition of an “era” might differ between races, making the whole question somewhat ambiguous.
Title) How long are sports careers usually?
Wild Grylls
Where I lived, there were only humans, so I’m curious. What about demons and elves?
└ Every time I see your gimmick, it gets weirder. “Only humans existed where I lived,” my ass lol
└ Wild Grylls) I’m telling you, it’s true. Anyway, what about demons and elves? Do they keep playing for like a hundred years?
└ Cases like that are extremely rare. Generational turnover is surprisingly fast.
└ Wild Grylls) Why?
└ Knees. Their knees get ground to dust, so lifespan barely matters lol
└ That too, but humans keep developing new tactics, so older players fall behind.
└ If you want to put it nicely, their style is “classic.” If you don’t, it’s outdated. That’s why they keep losing to humans lately lol
└ Wild Grylls) Ohh.
└ Humans also have ridiculously high peaks, so their impact is fucking insane. Some lunatic human scored over 100 goals in a single season.
└ What’s that guy doing these days?
└ Probably enjoying retirement. I heard rumors he even received a knighthood.
└ LetsGrowTrees) We elves are working hard too! Plenty of elves have been doing well in Mephisto lately!
└ You mean the guys who got caught planting trees there?
└ Didn’t they get expelled for that? lololol
└ He was such a good player that they let him off with a suspended sentence. I guess being good at sports forgives everything ;;
└ It still feels weird seeing stuffy elves enjoying sports.
└ The Elf Queen has been pushing cultural liberalization like crazy since taking the throne. Problem is, she crosses the line pretty often lololol
└ Few rulers have pros and cons as extreme as the Elf Queen lol
Apparently, that was how things worked.
Demons and elves did have longer athletic careers because their long lifespans also meant longer periods of youth.
Humans, on the other hand, had extremely high peaks and were considered the race most likely to bring a team a “championship.”
‘I guess that’s why you don’t hear much complaining about inequality.’
Every race had clear strengths and weaknesses.
Seeing things like this really drove home how similar people were everywhere.
[Honestly, Grylls acting like he knows sports is fucking disgusting.]
“Hmm?”
I’d been watching highlights uploaded by PrincessCheonggu for a while when a title caught my eye.
It wasn’t particularly offensive, but curiosity made me open it immediately.
Title) Honestly, Grylls acting like he knows sports is fucking disgusting
If you’re serious, post one killer sports joke. Then we’ll acknowledge you as a real sports fan.
└ Wild Grylls) I’m just an ordinary casual fan. If I annoyed you, I apologize.
└ No, if you react like that, what does that make me ;; Anyway, make a joke.
└ Lololol he still refuses to give up on the joke.
└ Didn’t you see the one this bastard made earlier? “If we concede three, just score four” lolololol
└ That was soccer. He needs to do a baseball one too.
└ Wild Grylls) Okay lol, give me a second.
If that was all they wanted, it was easy.
Where I came from, the internet was far more developed than just this gallery.
It was a place overflowing with every kind of bizarre joke imaginable.
I just had to pick one of the memorable ones.
Title) ???: Please put it in.
(Photo of a fan clutching his head and sobbing)
PUT THE FUCKING BALL IN THE STRIKE ZONE, FOR FUCK’S SAKE!!!
└ You came up with that immediately? lolololol
└ I thought it was porn just from the title lololol
└ Is this bastard insane lolololol
└ DontAbandonTheHero) Ah! I thought it was obscene content, but apparently not!
└ Wild Grylls) I don’t have many pictures like that. I found this one while digging through the gallery too.
└ DontAbandonTheHero) Could you perhaps reveal your gallery photo album?!
└ Wild Grylls) Nope.
└ This bastard definitely saved a few lololol
How was I supposed to resist?
If a man resisted that, he wasn’t a man.
Especially when this world had races other than humans.
Of course, dwarves and beastmen were excluded.
Remembering one particular image that was still painfully vivid in my mind, I violently shook my head.
Physical wounds could be healed with elixirs.
Mental scars were far harder to cure.
[Chae-U vs. Leor: Chae-U in huge danger! But Elikto makes the save!]
[Chae-U vs. Leor: Chae-U in danger again! Deflection off Subis and out of play!]
[Chae-U vs. Leor: Kares with a wonder goooooal!!! Chae-U concede again!]
While I’d been distracted by other things, Chae-U had conceded yet another goal.
One after thirty seconds, then another around ten minutes later.
For reference, PrincessCheonggu was the one uploading the match clips.
Even though her own team kept conceding, she continued uploading them without fail.
If nothing else, her mental fortitude was impressive.
Title) Chae-U vs. Leor: Kares with a wonder goooooal!!! Chae-U concede again!
PrincessCheonggu
(Video of a clean long-range shot flying into the net)
Fucking idiots.
Or maybe not.
Perhaps her mentality hadn’t merely shattered.
Maybe she had already attained enlightenment.
It was a pitiful situation, but there was nothing I could do for her.
All I could do was keep watching the videos she uploaded.
I didn’t know much about soccer tactics, and I was ultimately just a casual fan.
‘Doesn’t it look like they’re defending way too much?’
From the clips alone, it was obvious that Chae-U were desperately focused on nothing but defense.
Wouldn’t it be better to become the kind of team I’d mentioned earlier?
A team that conceded three goals but scored four.
Then again, as I said before, cheering was the only thing I could actually do.
Fuck.
└ You can’t hide how pissed you are lolololol
└ By the way, the picture and sound quality really improved a lot. Is this the power of orichalcum?
└ I want some orichalcum too...
└ Upvote if you want Grylls to hand out free orichalcum lololol
└ Starting with me lololol
Title) Chae-U vs. Leor: Stoppage time ends. Leor leads by two.
PrincessCheonggu
(Video of the players heading into the locker room)
Wow, the picture quality is fucking amazinggg haha.
Not a chance.
Unless they gave me something worthwhile, there would be no trade.
Especially from now on, I couldn’t help being more suspicious whenever I traded with other named users.
The people I’d traded with before had all shown me unconditional kindness from the very beginning.
More importantly, most ordinary things could be purchased through the auction house anyway, so I planned to be somewhat picky.
[Chaemess United signs Kios for 100 billion yura!]
[Idiots.]
[???: Did he not make a save?]
[It’s still too early to be disappointed.]
As halftime began, the gallery erupted with every imaginable joke.
A familiar flavor.
I laughed as I read through a few of the posts.
Who was it that said terrible teams had an aura all their own?
That misery eventually transformed into humor, giving birth to an endless stream of jokes.
[KingLeor has requested a trade. Would you like to accept?]
“Hm?”
Something unexpected happened while I was browsing the gallery.
A trade request had come from KingLeor, the guy who argued with PrincessCheonggu whenever he got the chance.
I blinked a few times, wondering what he wanted, then accepted first.
If he’d been a complete stranger, I might have refused, but he was a familiar named user.
[KingLeor: Hello. You accepted!]
[Wild Grylls: Hello. What can I do for you?]
[KingLeor: Well... the thing is, I was wondering if you had any orichalcum left...?]
Apparently, he’d been after the orichalcum.
Even his tone had suddenly become extremely polite.
I could roughly guess why, but decided not to mention it.
[Wild Grylls: I do have some. Do you also have relay magic, Leor?]
[KingLeor: After seeing the videos Cheonggu uploaded, I couldn’t take it anymore...]
So he’d been jealous all along despite having so much fun teasing her.
Still, at least he was being honest about it.
He was just a hardcore fan, not particularly a bad person.
He teased PrincessCheonggu from time to time, but that could be dismissed as rivalry between fans.
[Wild Grylls: I’m not giving it away for free. Do you have anything worth trading?]
[KingLeor: A uniform wouldn’t work, would it?]
[Wild Grylls: Sorry, but I’m a Chae-U fan. I don’t think that’ll work.]
Trying to freeload off me?
Get lost.
...was what I wanted to say, but I held myself back.
I still didn’t know what else he might offer.
Besides, KingLeor seemed to have been testing the waters with the uniform anyway, because he didn’t sound particularly disappointed.
[KingLeor: Then how about a crystal orb engraved with Light magic?]
[Wild Grylls: What’s that?]
[KingLeor: Exactly what it sounds like. Tap the crystal orb a few times and Light magic activates automatically. I think it would be useful for you, Grylls.]
[Wild Grylls: No, no. I was asking what Light magic is.]
After that question, no reply came for a while.
I knew absolutely nothing about magic, so I had no choice but to ask things like that.
[KingLeor: The easiest way to think about it is as a spell that brightly illuminates an area. A small sphere appears above you and lights up the surroundings.]
[Wild Grylls: You’re giving me that? Isn’t it expensive?]
[KingLeor: It’s a little expensive, but if it means getting relay magic...]
[Wild Grylls: By any chance, what race are you...?]
[KingLeor: Just a middle-aged demon guy who likes soccer.]
It was a win-win trade.
I accepted his offer.
Having Light magic would be extremely useful whenever I explored places like caves.
Since I knew nothing about magic, this was an excellent deal for me.
[KingLeor: It activates as long as you supply mana, so it shouldn’t be difficult to use.]
[Wild Grylls: Thank you.]
[KingLeor: Before we finish the trade, could you say “Go Leor!” just once?]
[Wild Grylls: Sorry haha ;;]
[KingLeor: T_T]
The trade ended there.
I immediately checked the items I’d received.
“Hm?”
But this guy—or rather, this demon—had sent me a uniform too.
Chae-U’s uniform had a white base, and Leor’s was white as well.
The difference was that Leor’s had stripes.
Also, the animal on the emblem wasn’t a deer but a hawk.
‘He really put some thought into this.’
I chuckled and carefully stored the uniform away.
I didn’t make a separate post about it.
If I did, PrincessCheonggu might feel betrayed.
We’d never even seen each other’s faces, but I didn’t want to betray someone who had helped me.
[Chae-U vs. Leor: Halftime over. Leor kicks off.]
Halftime seemed to have ended while I was trading.
[Chae-U vs. Leor: Lolololololololololol]
And PrincessCheonggu’s mental state completely collapsed.
Wondering what had happened, I opened the post.
They had conceded another goal almost immediately after kickoff.
Naturally, the comments were chaos.
The highlight among them was KingLeor’s.
└ KingLeor) Cheonggu, don’t worry too much. You just need to score four now lol.
└ PrincessCheonggu) You fucking bitch.
└ ????: If our defense concedes three goals, the attackers just need to score four.
└ This is the perfect chance to prove it lololol
└ Believe in Grylls!
How was he so good at getting under someone’s skin?
Still, a three-goal deficit in soccer was practically a blowout.
It was almost better to give up cleanly and prepare for the next match.
‘Well... maybe they really will score four.’
PrincessCheonggu would probably keep watching until the end without giving up.
I also continued checking the posts she uploaded from time to time.
And perhaps the desperate wishes of every Chae-U fan caused a miracle.
[Chae-U vs. Leor: Kone pulls one back!]
They scored a consolation goal.
[Chae-U vs. Leor: Kone scores again! Chae-U cuts the deficit to one!]
Then they didn’t stop there and scored another.
[Chae-U vs. Leor: Kone hat trick! A wonder goal brings Chae-U level!!!]
They finally equalized.
And then—
Title) Chae-U vs. Leor: Chae-U IN STOPPAGE TIME AAAAAAGHHHHHH!!!
PrincessCheonggu
(Video of a player scoring the go-ahead goal and celebrating by ripping off his shirt)
DAAAAAAMN IIIIIT!!! I KNEEEEEEW YOU COULD DO IIIIIIIIT!!!
└ Holy shit, they actually did it lolololol
└ Cheonggu fans are overdosing on dopamine right now lololol
└ What the hell happened to these guys? Why are they suddenly so good? lololol
└ The moment they threw defense out the window and just attacked, they started scoring everything lololol
└ ????: If our defense concedes three goals, the attackers just need to score four.
└ We worship you, O Prophet.
└ It was actually a prophecy lolololol
└ Concede three, score four lololololol
A miracle had happened.