Chapter 64

The Damned (1)

Even as time passed, Passing Dwarf never made a post.

The thought that the bastard might have taken the goods and run never crossed my mind. That would earn him a permanent ban.

I figured that since I’d even given him some snacks to go with his drinks, he was probably just getting absolutely hammered.

That was probably the correct answer.

‘At this rate, he’s going to die of liver cancer.’

Then again, since he was drinking liquor infused with a mature Mandrake, maybe it would actually make him healthier.

I sighed and checked the gallery posts again.

No matter how hard I looked, there wasn’t a single post from Passing Dwarf.

[SSBSSBSSBSSB]

[Shit Team]

[No. How the hell did they lolololol]

[Please disband.]

[How did the Tigers become a powerhouse?]

Instead, all sorts of bizarre posts were flooding the gallery.

Posts were appearing so quickly that I even searched for the dwarf’s username in case his post had simply been buried.

Wondering what the hell was going on, I opened a random post.

Most of the other posts were also about sports—baseball in particular.

Apparently, a baseball game was currently underway somewhere.

As far as I knew, sports usually had multiple teams playing games around the same time.

So it wasn’t particularly strange that related posts were springing up like weeds.

Title) Shit Team

Suspiciously—

(Emblem depicting a roaring lion)

Just disband, you fucking idiots.

└ What’s the score right now?

└ They just gave up a grand slam, so it’s 7–0 lololol

└ They really are a fucking shit team lolololol

Title) ???: Bring them up, you bastards.

(Photo of a fierce-looking tiger beastman)

What did I tell you?

└ I apologize for doubting you.

└ They should’ve pulled SSB from the mound ages ago.

└ This bastard hoarding pitchers in his treasure chest pisses me off so fucking much lololol

Hmm.

I was starting to get a rough idea of what was happening.

Title) ???: Your pitches are so damn slow—

(Photo of an angry middle-aged chef)

EVEN MY GRANDMA COULD HIT THEM WITH HER CANE!!!

└ Grandma’s gonna get mentioned a lot today lololol

└ With the way they’re playing, it should be legal for Grandma to beat them with her cane.

└ At least they’re teaching us a valuable lesson.

└ What lesson?

└ That you can play like absolute fucking garbage and still make a living.

Title) You guys keep calling them a shit team,

but we all know you love them.

└ Like how your mom still raised you?

└ Goddamn, that burns lololololol

“Pffffhahaha.”

The gallery was overflowing with jokes that made me laugh just by reading them.

There were plenty of vicious ones mixed in too, like eating spicy junk food.

Since there were surprisingly few personal attacks aimed at actual people, the head moderator didn’t intervene.

Title) Child-abusing bastards

(Emblem depicting a dog)

These bastards aren’t nurturing children’s dreams.

They’re fucking destroying them.

I went to the game with my son today, and when they blew the lead, he started crying, fuck.

└ Why is the head mod letting this happen? The whole place is full of swearing.

└ DontAbandonTheHero) Sometimes people need a chance to vent their anger!

Apparently, that was the reasoning.

Thanks to that, the users vented their rage to their hearts’ content.

Occasionally, someone would take it too far and start spamming the board, but the head moderator dealt with them immediately.

‘Come to think of it, doesn’t the Heavenly Demon work as a sub-mod too?’

A sudden question occurred to me.

What did the Heavenly Demon think about sports?

Curious, I sent her a private message.

[Wild Grylls: Heavenly Demon, are you there?]

[Heavenly Demon: What is it?]

She replied the instant I sent the message.

Wasn’t she supposed to be working?

After a moment of surprise, I asked her about what was currently happening in the gallery.

[Wild Grylls: You know what’s going on in the gallery right now, right?]

[Heavenly Demon: This Lady is aware that the damned are wailing.]

[Wild Grylls: The damned?]

[Heavenly Demon: Judging by the way they howl, are they not indistinguishable from rotting corpses of the damned?]

Harsh, but she had summed up the state of sports fans in a single sentence.

Even though I wasn’t much of a fan myself, I had a general idea of what they were like.

My friends had practically been the damned themselves.

I remembered how they would lose their minds whenever there was a game.

[Wild Grylls: You’re not banning them or anything, right?]

[Heavenly Demon: There is no reason to. Their antics make me laugh whenever I see them, so you should watch them as well.]

[Wild Grylls: I already am. By the way, are there no sports in the Central Plains?]

[Heavenly Demon: There are. A match will probably be held tomorrow.]

Martial arts and sports.

What a strange combination.

I’d heard that the Central Plains were conservative, but people could never completely escape their desire for entertainment.

Healthy entertainment like sports was probably tolerated to some extent.

[Wild Grylls: Is there a team you support?]

[Heavenly Demon: No. You seem rather interested in the matter.]

[Wild Grylls: It was part of the culture I enjoyed before coming here.]

I was what people called a casual fan, someone who didn’t support any particular team or obsess over the sport.

But being a casual fan didn’t stop me from enjoying sports.

In fact, whenever a team had a compelling “story,” I tended to get more invested than anyone.

[Heavenly Demon: Are you perhaps thinking of becoming one of the damned as well?]

[Wild Grylls: Maybe not one of the damned, but I do plan to cheer for a team when I have a reason to. PrincessCheonggu has helped me out, after all.]

[Heavenly Demon: Hmm. This Lady does not understand what is so entertaining about playing with a ball. If one has time for ball games, would it not be better spent sparring?]

That was such an old-fogey thing to say.

Still, it wasn’t as though I couldn’t understand her.

At first, I’d also wondered what could possibly be so entertaining about chasing a ball around, or what the point was in supporting a weak team.

But as I watched my friends gradually descend into insanity—no, transform into the damned—I came to understand.

It was a drug.

A drug so addictive that even after it made you sick, you still couldn’t stop cheering for your team until the bitter end.

...Just kidding.

People enjoyed sports because they possessed an indescribable sort of pull.

[Wild Grylls: Everyone has different tastes, so it’s hard to explain. Anyway, a culture like sports can strengthen people’s sense of unity.]

[Heavenly Demon: Strengthen their unity... That sounds almost like a religion.]

[Wild Grylls: Religion is ultimately part of culture too.]

[Heavenly Demon: Then if This Lady personally takes charge of a ball game, the unity among my believers would become even stronger.]

[Wild Grylls: Rather than playing yourself, wouldn’t it be better to establish your own team? You’re an important person, Heavenly Demon.]

[Heavenly Demon: An excellent idea. This Lady shall consider it.]

[Wild Grylls: Save up some money first. Running a team costs an absurd amount.]

That was assuming she even had the ability to establish a professional sports team in the first place.

I knew, more or less, that the Heavenly Demon was someone important, but whether she could go as far as establishing her own team was another question entirely.

I just hoped she’d at least stop dismissing sports as nothing more than playing with a ball.

[Heavenly Demon: My lord. There is something This Lady wishes to ask you.]

[Wild Grylls: Go ahead.]

[Heavenly Demon: If This Lady establishes a team, will you support it?]

[Wild Grylls: Of course. I’ll support it no matter what.]

After everything the Heavenly Demon had done for me, there was no way I couldn’t at least cheer for her team.

Perhaps my sincerity came through, because the Heavenly Demon replied with warm words of her own.

[Heavenly Demon: It is a regret of mine that I cannot bring you into the Divine Cult. This Lady shall take your words to heart.]

[Wild Grylls: Thank you.]

[Heavenly Demon: Do not die before This Lady comes to retrieve you personally.]

My conversation with the Heavenly Demon ended on what was essentially a well-wishing note.

Afterward, I checked the time.

It was an awkward hour to do anything substantial.

‘I should give those rocks to PrincessCheonggu and Starlight Princess first.’

Since I still hadn’t heard anything from the dwarf, it seemed better to just go ahead with the trades.

Even if they turned out to be ordinary rocks, I was giving them away for free, so it wouldn’t really matter.

[Starlight Princess: Is this really orichalcum?]

[Wild Grylls: I’m not sure either. Even if it isn’t, you can just keep it.]

[Starlight Princess: Thank you. I’ll give you a present too.]

[Wild Grylls: What kind of present?]

[Starlight Princess: Cookies. They should be tasty.]

[Wild Grylls: Oooh!]

Cookies after the ice cream I’d eaten last time.

I was already looking forward to them.

Besides, hadn’t that bastard Namu-Ppareumbo eaten all my ice cream anyway?

I immediately gifted one of the rocks to Starlight Princess.

[Wild Grylls: You can verify whether it’s orichalcum too, right?]

[Starlight Princess: I’ll have to test it in my workshop, but it shouldn’t take long.]

[Wild Grylls: Thank you. Oh, by the way, you’ve been working out lately, right?]

[Starlight Princess: Yes.]

[Wild Grylls: What kind of exercise do you do?]

It was a question that naturally came to mind after seeing nothing but sports-related posts flooding the gallery.

Until just a few days ago, Starlight Princess had practically been on death’s door.

I’d heard that after recovering, she had become completely obsessed with exercising.

[Starlight Princess: I do a little bit of everything. I’m enjoying the feeling of my body actually putting on muscle.]

[Wild Grylls: Not interested in sports?]

[Starlight Princess: I prefer making my own body stronger.]

That made sense too.

She was probably too busy building up her body to spend time watching sports.

Besides, it hadn’t even been a week since she was cured.

She was likely still in the middle of rehabilitation.

[Wild Grylls: I see. Were you interested in exercise before you recovered too?]

[Starlight Princess: No. Back then, all I ever thought about was when I was going to die.]

[Wild Grylls: Uh...]

[Starlight Princess: Not anymore, though. The sweat you work up after intense exercise is really... refreshing.]

She was evolving into a proper gym rat.

A good development.

After listening to a long speech about exercise, I eventually ended the conversation.

She even offered to make protein supplements for me later, but I firmly declined.

There were already plenty of things around me that were better than that, so there was no reason to take them from her.

‘If anything, I should be giving things to her.’

If I’d known she would become this obsessed with training, I would’ve given Starlight Princess the inner core.

I’d give her one if I found another later.

Anyway.

Now that I’d given Starlight Princess one of the rocks, I split the cookies with the sloth while looking for someone.

That someone was PrincessCheonggu.

She had gone completely silent.

The only reason I’d been able to trade with Starlight Princess was because I’d posted beforehand, but PrincessCheonggu still hadn’t responded.

I’d already finished everything else, and starting sword training now would take too long.

‘I’ll just finish the trade with PrincessCheonggu, then either train or start preparing dinner.’

Even the trade cooldown was cutting it close.

It had barely lined up.

While waiting for PrincessCheonggu to initiate the trade, I browsed the gallery.

Just as the Heavenly Demon had said, the place was full of rotting, wailing damned souls.

Wondering whether this happened every week, I made a post.

Title) Is the gallery always like this?

Wild Grylls

There are lunatics popping up everywhere right now. Does this happen every time there’s a game?

└ SwordMaster) No. Every quarter, a different kind of lunatic usually appears.

└ Wild Grylls) Every quarter? What happens every quarter?

└ SwordMaster) Academy exam season.

└ You get to witness the jokes of educated people. Look forward to it.

└ Most of the posts are people saying they’re going to kill their professors lololol

└ ???: The exam range... something that big won’t fit inside...

└ ???: IT WON’T FUCKING FIT INSIDE MY HEAD EITHER.

└ Lololololololololol

I guess people were the same everywhere.

Apparently, exam season produced all kinds of ridiculous jokes too.

I’d have to look them up sometime.

[PrincessCheonggu has requested a trade. Would you like to accept?]

While browsing the gallery, a trade request came in from PrincessCheonggu.

She must have been busy with something for a while.

I accepted immediately.

[PrincessCheonggu: Hellooo! Sorry I’m a little late, I was getting ready!]

[Wild Grylls: Getting ready for what?]

[PrincessCheonggu: Getting ready to watch the game! I need to train myself mentally first so I can stay calm!]

[Wild Grylls: ...Wouldn’t it be better to just not watch it at that point?]

[PrincessCheonggu: Absolutely not! This is about loyalty! Loyalty!]

[Wild Grylls: I’ll give you this rock that might be orichalcum first. If it turns out to actually be orichalcum, I’ll give you more later.]

[PrincessCheonggu: Thank youuu! Is there anything you need?]

[Wild Grylls: I’ll tell you after we confirm whether it’s really orichalcum.]

I’d already received far too much from her.

This was the line I refused to cross.

PrincessCheonggu seemed to understand how I felt, because she didn’t press the issue.

Even if she couldn’t personally relate, it was easy enough to understand.

As someone who had never had the time to get deeply invested in sports, all I really had to do was nod along from the sidelines.

[Wild Grylls: The game is starting soon, right?]

[PrincessCheonggu: Yep! And considering who we’re playing against, this is one we absolutely have to win!]

[Wild Grylls: You said highlights get uploaded, right?]

[PrincessCheonggu: If what you gave me really is orichalcum, I’ll be able to record the entire match!]

[Wild Grylls: Won’t you get sued for that?]

[PrincessCheonggu: It’s being uploaded to the gallery. How are they supposed to catch me? And if it isn’t orichalcum, it’ll be hard enough just uploading highlights anyway.]

That was true.

Even if she uploaded it to the gallery, there probably wasn’t much anyone could do about it.

And she’d said relay magic wasn’t perfect and occasionally cut out, so it must have been inconvenient.

‘Come to think of it, what’s the maximum video length?’

I’d only ever uploaded short clips, so I’d never really thought about it, but judging by what PrincessCheonggu was saying, the limit seemed pretty generous.

A soccer match lasted around ninety minutes.

Did that mean she could upload something that long?

Curious, I asked her.

[Wild Grylls: How long can videos uploaded to the gallery be?]

[PrincessCheonggu: There’s no hard limit. But the mana consumption is pretty severe, so most people can only manage about ten minutes.]

[Wild Grylls: And you can handle the full ninety minutes?]

[PrincessCheonggu: That’s what the orichalcum is for! If I have that, it prevents overheating and lets me use the magic much more efficiently.]

[Wild Grylls: Ahh.]

I didn’t really understand the technical details, but apparently that was how it worked.

If it really did turn out to be orichalcum, maybe I could find some useful applications for it too.

[PrincessCheonggu: I should get going now. Cheer for us just once, please!]

[Wild Grylls: Go Chae-U! You’re definitely winning today!]

[PrincessCheonggu: Thank youuu, haha. I wonder how happy Chae-U would be if they knew someone like Grylls was supporting them?]

[Wild Grylls: Then I’ll cheer even harder.]

There was a certain romance to it.

A little event for a fan stranded in the middle of nowhere.

Of course, there was no chance of anything like that actually happening.

Besides, I had more than enough problems of my own.

After exchanging a few more good wishes with PrincessCheonggu, I ended the trade.

Since the match would be starting soon, I stepped outside for a moment to check on things.

‘The smoking is going well. I should spray the repellent first.’

I regularly sprayed snake and insect repellent.

Without it, I could easily end up dying in my sleep one night.

After doing some basic maintenance, I returned to the cave.

I intended to cheer as hard as I could to repay PrincessCheonggu.

And the moment I logged back into the gallery, the first thing I saw was—

[YOU FUCKING MOTHERLESS PIECES OF DOGSHIT][25]

In that brief span of time, PrincessCheonggu had already become one of the damned.