Chapter 146

Spring (1) I didn’t put the virility mushroom Papa Raccoon had given me up for auction. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him. I just thought I needed an expert’s opinion on whether it really did what he claimed and whether it was safe for humans. It was a mushroom, after all. I can ask Starlight Princess. Allfather was busy these days and rarely logged into the gallery, so that left only Starlight Princess. Come to think of it, hadn’t I asked her to analyze a mushroom before? [Wild Grylls: Starlight Princess, could I ask you a favor?] [Starlight Princess: Of course. What is it?] [Wild Grylls: Papa Raccoon gave me a mushroom. He says it’s good for virility, but I’d like to have that checked. The fact that it’s a mushroom worries me.] [Starlight Princess: I understand. If it were an herb, that would be one thing, but with a mushroom, you only need to send me a small piece.] [Wild Grylls: Will do. By the way, what did you find out about the mushroom I sent you last time?] [Starlight Princess: I forgot to tell you! It was poisonous. It contained all sorts of substances that are bad for humans.] [Wild Grylls: I see. Thank you.] As expected, mushrooms that practically advertised Don’t eat me! were dangerous. Plain-looking ones could be dangerous too. It was probably best to leave mushrooms alone altogether. [Starlight Princess: If its effects are real, I recommend selling or eating it right away.] [Wild Grylls: Why?] [Starlight Princess: Mushrooms spoil quickly. You could freeze it, but... are you planning to eat it?] [Wild Grylls: I wouldn’t have any use for the effects, so I was going to sell it.] [Starlight Princess: I see. I’ll check it as quickly as I can!] I’d nearly gotten myself into trouble after eating eel once. It seemed wise to stay as far away from aphrodisiacs as possible. I had no idea what would happen if I ate this mushroom. Besides, even if it had worked for Papa Raccoon, there was no guarantee it would work the same way for a human. Still, it was nice of him to give it to me... For now, I decided to roast the snake. I ate it with the raccoon family. It was my first time eating snake, but it was surprisingly good. The texture was decent, and it tasted somewhat like chicken. There was a fishy note I hadn’t even noticed in fish, but salt covered it up. “Kyeng!” “Kying! King!” “Kkiing.” The raccoons seemed pleased when I sprinkled salt on their portions. They alternated between salted and unsalted meat, then settled on eating only the salted pieces. They probably had never seasoned their food like this. It was my way of showing them what they could enjoy if they kept helping me. The raccoons seemed to get the message. They held out more meat for me to salt. They were adorable. I filled up on snake meat for lunch. [Starlight Princess: Mr. Grylls, I have the test results.] [Wild Grylls: What did you find?] [Starlight Princess: That raccoon really knows his stuff. The mushroom contains plenty of compounds that would benefit a man, and it isn’t toxic at all.] [Wild Grylls: So it’s safe to sell?] [Starlight Princess: Yes. I don’t know who’ll buy it, but his wife will be happy.] A bitter smile crossed my face. Whoever bought it was lucky. I envied him for having someone beside him, rather than for getting to eat the mushroom. No matter how effective it was, what good was it without someone to share the experience with? I pushed the thought aside, thanked Starlight Princess, and contacted the gallery member I had in mind. [Praise the Sun: You’ve got something for me?] [Wild Grylls: Yes. You were the only person I could think of.] [Praise the Sun: Sounds like something edible. Did you ask that dwarf? Is he going to soak it in liquor again?] [Wild Grylls: I didn’t ask because I figured that’s exactly what he’d do.] [Praise the Sun: Just give it to him. You’ve already given me plenty.] [Wild Grylls: Even if it’s been confirmed to be extremely good for men?] [Praise the Sun: How much are you selling it for?] Praise the Sun couldn’t resist anything that was supposed to be good for his health. Tell him something was especially good for men, and of course he’d want it. [Praise the Sun: Thanks. Let me know if you ever need anything.] [Wild Grylls: Actually, could I ask for something now?] [Praise the Sun: Name it.] [Wild Grylls: You live in a desert, right?] [Praise the Sun: I do. Why?] [Wild Grylls: Do you get sandstorms there often?] Cetan, the country of dark elves and wealthy people, was built in a desert much like the Middle East back on Earth. From what I’d picked up in the gallery, its culture and society seemed similar too. [Praise the Sun: Between spring and summer? That’s when we usually get the most. Think you’re going to get one too?] [Wild Grylls: I don’t know. Do you have any clothes or advice that would help in a sandstorm?] [Praise the Sun: We have face coverings for them. The best thing to do is stay indoors, though.] [Wild Grylls: One might catch us by surprise. I’d like to be prepared.] [Praise the Sun: Fair enough. How many do you need?] [Wild Grylls: Six in total. One adult size and five small ones, please.] [Praise the Sun: For your animal friends? Honestly, I don’t think they need them.] [Wild Grylls: Why not?] [Praise the Sun: They’ve lived there their whole lives. Covering their faces might just make things harder for them. Ever seen a video of a dog trying to walk in shoes?] That was an apt comparison. I’d seen those videos: the dog’s front and back legs seemed to move independently because the shoes felt so strange. Dogs had paw pads, so they didn’t need shoes in the first place. The animals of the Forest of Four Seasons were similarly equipped for their surroundings. Just as Mongmo had prepared for hibernation ahead of time, they would respond quickly to an unexpected change. And I have Fastbo. Between the signs Mongmo showed and Fastbo’s warnings, I could prepare well enough. I accepted one sandstorm face covering from Praise the Sun. It was pure white, presumably to reflect the desert’s harsh sunlight. I don’t even know whether we’ll get a sandstorm. One could come even outside spring. I’d watched the land across the river change its terrain and environment before my eyes. In the worst case, a sandstorm from that side might cross the river. Surely a volcano won’t erupt when that area turns volcanic? If it did, I could die without ever knowing what hit me. The thought was a little frightening. Still, the old traces in this cave suggested that such disasters couldn’t happen often. I spent the day preparing thoroughly for the coming season. “Kyuuu...” “Oh! Wonmo, you’re awake?” Wonmo had woken from hibernation. His sleepy face was adorable. He’d lost so much weight during his short sleep that I missed his plump little body. I fed him right away. There was a little snake meat left. I wanted to buy him a huge cut of meat at the auction, but he’d only just woken up. A large meal might upset his stomach, so I started him with something light. “Nom, nom.” “Is it good?” “Kyu!” After eating the snake meat, Wonmo began to perk up. I hugged Mongmo and rolled around with him for the first time in ages. That alone made me feel warm inside. “Wonmo, let me introduce you to our new neighbors.” “Kyu?” After we’d rolled around for a while, I decided to introduce him to the raccoon family. The air was still chilly, but it was warming up. Wonmo shivered a little, yet showed no desire to retreat into the cave. “Say hello. This is the raccoon family. Here’s Papa Raccoon, Mama Raccoon, and Baby Raccoon.” “Kyuu?” “Ky-kyeng!” “Kkiing...” “...” Despite my friendly introduction, their reactions couldn’t have been more different. Mongmo tilted his head in innocent curiosity. The raccoons were terrified. Papa Raccoon at least managed what looked like a forced greeting, but the others couldn’t even do that. Wonmo might be a cub, but he was still an owlbear: a predator with a ferocious nature beneath that cute exterior. A family that trembled at the sight of a snake was bound to fear him. I hope he doesn’t see them as food. Could I really count on that? If Wonmo tried to attack them, I would stop him immediately. I would hate to do it, but I’d have to move the raccoons elsewhere. There was no other way for them to coexist safely. Once the introductions were over, however— “Kyuuu! Kyu!” “Kkiing! Kking!” Wonmo raced around the yard with Baby Raccoon riding on his back. He grinned happily, apparently delighted to have made a friend. Baby Raccoon had been frightened at first but soon got used to the ride. Good. Very good. As long as I kept Wonmo well fed, there shouldn’t be any disasters. With the introductions done, I logged into the gallery and made a post. Something this cute deserved to be shared. Title: Wonmo woke up Wild Grylls (Video of Wonmo running around with Baby Raccoon on his back) He’s getting along great with the neighbors. Looks like they’ll be good friends haha └ Heavenly Demon: This soothes the heart. └ Cheonggu Princess: They’re so cute haha 　└ Starlight Princess: I wish the gallery had more heartwarming posts like this. └ Don’t worry. If there’s an emergency, that raccoon will go straight onto the fire lol └ It’s emergency rations lmao 　└ Starlight Princess: You people are absolute trash. There were a few jokes about emergency rations, but most people found Mongmo and Baby Raccoon adorable. Satisfied, I checked the time. There was still plenty of daylight before dinner. [What the hell did Kadir say?] [Shit, this is going to blow up again lol] [If the Mage King went that far, isn’t this seriously bad?] [The Holy Kingdom really looks screwed ;] [Quick summary] I browsed the gallery to see whether anything interesting had happened. Posts about Kadir kept appearing, so I opened a popular thread. The place was in an uproar. Why is everyone talking about Kadir? Kadir, the Mage King, was a celebrity who came up often in the gallery. Necromancy Is Love had mentioned him to me recently, too. With the whole gallery discussing him, I couldn’t help getting curious. Title: Shit, this is going to blow up again lol Kadir issued a statement. What happens if the Holy Kingdom keeps pulling this crap? └ What did he say? └ Kadir met the Pope in person. Then he got pissed off and secretly broadcast the entire meeting lmao 　└ ??? He can do that? Inside the papal palace? └ He’s the Mage King ;; └ It’s not that the papal palace is weak. Kadir is just absurdly powerful. Title: Quick summary Kadir: Confess your sins to God while you still can. Papal palace: Nah, piss off. We’ll handle it ourselves. Kadir: The people of the Holy Kingdom are the ones you should be looking at, not God. Papal palace: The commoners are animals. Discussion over. └ Did they really say that? └ Of course not lmao └ The part about treating people like animals was pretty close, though lol └ This isn’t going to turn into a civil war, is it? 　└ Hard to say. There’s no one for the people to rally behind. If the Hero were here... Title: Outside the papal palace right now (Video of a protest) (Video of protesters shouting insults) (Video of protesters throwing stones) (Video of the Holy Knights blocking their path) (Video of a bard playing an instrument to rally the protesters) └ Everything else makes sense, but what the hell is the bard doing? lmao └ Showing us why adventuring parties need a bard lol └ Wow, the bard really changes how that whole crowd sounds lol └ Just watching it makes me feel fired up lol Kadir had apparently thrown more fuel on the fire. The Holy Kingdom had already been in turmoil over Ludwig, and now its meeting had been exposed to the public. Calling the people animals... It seemed there were people everywhere who looked down on those they governed. I gave a dry laugh and closed the gallery. It would probably be best to stay off it for a while. Will things have calmed down by the time I get out of here? Or would the entire Holy Kingdom be in flames? I had no way of knowing. I turned toward the yard. “Kyuuung!” “Kkiiiiiing!” Wonmo was tossing Baby Raccoon into the air and catching him over and over. Wonmo was doing it for fun, but Baby Raccoon must have felt he was facing death. Papa Raccoon and Mama Raccoon looked as though they were trying to make him stop, to no effect. “Hey! Park Wonmo! You can’t do that!” I hurried over to stop him. We still had a long way to go. “Prrr.” Ludwig was still riding the giraffe. He stared blankly down at the animal blocking their path. “Prrr.” It was a horse—or, more precisely, a horse striped black and white. A zebra. A Holy Knight atop a giraffe, facing off against a zebra. It was a strange standoff indeed. It looks dangerous. To display such conspicuous markings on the open grassland... Ludwig lightly urged the giraffe forward with his legs, and it obediently began to walk. Ludwig’s peculiar adventure continued.